New Year, New Start

Its been a real long time since i blogged so have lots to update and say. lately jus been too lazy to blog with the holiday season and all.

firstly, he proposed to me!! the kinda ideal proposal with the ring i liked, a bouquet and during fireworks.. niceee. and of cos i said yes. i'm blessed with him in my life. *alhamdulila* this line he mentioned touched me deeply, esp so knowing he meant every bit of it.

'u filled this part of my life that i never knew existed'

i teared while reading the card. touched. mummy would be glad that i have someone like him to look after me. (nt that i need to be dependent, but having someone who wil stand by ur dreams and beliefs regardless of hw diff it may be and love u for the person u are through and through).

so yes, this gal will be getting married inshah allah later this year. =)

The new yr dawned some thoughts in me. Recently have been thinking if what i am doing now is what makes me happy. Is this what I really wanna do? Do i get satisfaction from it?

The answer is no. Just like many of urs will be. Why am I in PR? Maybe i should stop being PR and saying i love PR, it gives me satisfaction to be behind the scenes and deliver on what the client wants, successful pitches make me feel overwhlemed etc etc etc. thats bull.

No doubt, I enjoyed PR immensely in school. It was my fave course, and I loved those discusssions I had and how it was actually so easy to rarionalise and do things. They seemed so obvious to me that i didnt understand y many organisations didnt see the need for it. I always thought i'd wanna be in H&K or O&M, successful and satisfied. But now i realise that I gain no real happiness from it. No emo gratification.

Not too long ago, Fari ka told me that the reason y she is still at SINDA was cos she got satisfaction from helping those in need. I thought it was nt rational or practical to stay on a job just for the gratification. I told her that I would be disappointed if I was nt earning atleast 3K by the time i turned 25. But nw i beg to differ.

When I was in 2nd yr poly, I had many dreams. i wanted to be the first tudong gal on tamil TV or be a special needs teacher and help those children who through no fault of theirs were unfortunately not normal. I wanted to make some form of difference. Now what then happened to that girl with many many dreams? honestly, i dont know!

Along the way, there were medical and household bills to pay. I needed a job to help out at home and so when i was offered at position at my internship place, I took it up readily and stayed the next 2 yrs nt bothering, not questioning if thats wat i wanted to do all along. Sometimes its easier not to ask questions - stability seems to be the easy way out cos there are ALWAYS bills to pay and money to worry about.

Was talking to a fren about this few days back when he encouraged me to do something about it. He had a point - 'u wont be out of a job la, u'll prob jus have to jump arnd a few before u find e right one. and nws better than later cos ur young. '

maybe thats what I should do. Now when i look for available positions, I'm nt looking at jus comms again, instead something that will give me greater satisfaction doing it. Saw this position 'policy exec for needy children under MCYS' - something i really wanted to give a go for but i missed the deadline.

I pray that this new yr will bring me a good career opportunity that would give me personal gratification - a job that inshah allah i would look forward to everyday. and yea, sitting arnd wont make the job come fall on my lap.. i'm gonna have to source arnd for it..