Count down begins

So after mths of preparation, THE DAY is almost here.

I am on leave till after my wedding. Need to catch up on sleep and do all the beauty routines during the next one week. I pray all goes fine and e day is a success. (nw i'm making it sound like its an event i'm organising. perils of the job. haha)

human beings can be so unpredictable. sometimes e person you thought you knew well all ur life, suddenly seems like someone u can't understand at all. someone u don't understand at all.

i am stressed. upset. disappointed. most of all hurt. at last evening's happenings.
but alas, what can i say? wat right do i have to say anything anymore.

sealed with a tear.

despite all of it, i am greatful for the support i have from people arnd me who love me.

sometimes e most impt thing to do is express ur love. not keep it bottled within u. is ego the most impt thing after all? i wonder.

i know for sure, i would nt react or do things this way at least not at this time.

its a confused entry i know.
i am confused.

not the right time to be i know.
but its not just me that needs to know.

back to work. will update the next time in nov.
inshah allah with alot of pics. =)

Next Phase

I feel like time is flying super fast. Maybe its cos too many things are happening at one time. lots to update, but not quite in the mood too. so will try and keep this post short.

One more thing can be striked off my wishes list - Degree with Distinction.

Alhamdulila! I had my convocation last Thurs. All went smooth, just that it saddened me that the two people who would have shed tears of joy at my graduation were no longer around to witness it. The two who were proud of their daughter and believed in her from Primary School, the ones who egged her on and knew how important education was and strived to give it to her.

Mummy and Daddy - I miss you alot.

I wish you were around now. This is probably the most important year in my life. My convocation and my wedding. Yet, the two who would love to see it the most aren't around to.

At least I have the satisfaction that they are with HIM in a place better than here. But i pray that you are watching and blessing me.

The wedding preparations are going smooth. Alhamdulila. 60% settled i think. Inshah allah hope all goes smooth. Its the invitations that are the biggest task at hand now. heh.

Fasting month is here. Its 54 days more to the wedding. Once the blessed month of Ramadan comes to an end, it will just be wedding preps full blast.

Its a busy period at work too. Many events coming up, trying to enjoy the process as much. Handling work and marriage preps is really no mean feat. I just pray HE gives me the strength and resilience to.

Feelings

Its been a long time since i blogged. alot has happened since, mostly good and a little bad.

mostly, nazee is

HAPPY cos she loves her job.
GLAD that anna's engagement went well.
ELATED that she's prob getting her own place soon.

(Inshah Allah)
OVER THE MOON for finding THE ONE

(Alhamdulila)

NERVOUS about the upcoming wedding
TENSED about the finances
WORRIED about the current home issues

EXCITED about the project on hand
OVERJOYED about the Degree with Distinction
RELIEVED that anna found a new job

PRAYING hard that he finds a good one too. inshah allah.

and

she's pissed that things are always turning sour with that one person who does matter to her, but whom she just cant understand or live up to her expectations. Nazee knows shes wrong to just avoid the problem, but how many times does she have to try to make things better.

after all, she's human too.

updates..

today marks my 3 wks in SINDA. Its been an interesting and busy 3 weeks.

i love this place, the env and colleagues. alhamdulila. i am glad i made e switch. just as every place has its flaws, this place does too. but the boss and division mates more than make up for it.

yday we had a division dinner after which we went for some drinks. had great fun, must say i have not laughed like that for a long time. esp sara's narration. lol. i was still smiling when walking from farrer park tis morning. haha. and they surprised me with a belated bday cake, so sweet. i was touched.

i like e job cos its challenging, with new things to do. I'm doing a mixture of corp comms and marketing. first week here, i was thrown in to do an external presentation on e org. great exposure and good way to learn. got some gd feedback. =) alhamdulila.

anna's engagement coming up and i'm excited. inshah allah hope all goes fine.

my bday surprise was wonderful too. you, me, our hum was a good movie minus the tears, dinner at kebab station and a wonderful surprise by SIL and mates. awesome. =)

till i get time to update again...

lovess.
nazee

Women..

I had the chance to attend a focus group session on the financial awareness of indian women aged 40 and above, as a documentor. Though intially i went into this cos i was coerced by my cousin, i came out of it glad with a new perspective on life.. This because the focus grp i was a part of was a group divorcees, employed or self-employed. It made me realise how fortunate I am, and how the choices we make in life determine the direction our life takes.

51 year old, emotionally strong, pretty, has a son who's 30 now. Husband left her when her son was just born. She braced the stormy waters and is now an independent, successful woman (successful by my standards, though that is highly subjective) who is debt-free and has investments and plans for the near future.

Hers was a love marriage. Being born in a wealthy family, she moved out to marry the first (and only) love of her life. She led a very poor life, all for the sake of her husband who brought her nothing but unhappiness. Highly suspicious, with a strong case of inferiority complex, he brought other women home, tortured her emotionally and physically even when she was pregnant. When the baby was born, he deserted her and left, leaving her alone in the rental flat with no one to turn to.

She attemped suicide and wanted to kill the baby too, didnt have the heart and survived, coming out stronger. She went to work, puting on a happy, normal facade amidst the tragic life she led, didnt believe in taking loans or having debts and single handedly raised her 30 year old son, who has a good education and a job now. She never let him feel inferior to those from happy families. The heart of a mum and the strength of a mother. amazing.

46 years old, 22 years of being a homemaker, now struggling to keep a shop going in tekka. aspires to train and develop the talents in the younger generation who do nt have academic qualifications. after 22 years of marriage, and dependency and trust on her man, she realised he had another woman. Is now going through divorce and fighting for custody of her 2 children aged 17 and 20 who are with the father, who is btw, fithy rich with a swimming pool etc in their home. I just pray god give her strength and show her a way out. She spoke abt hw there were days when she had to struggle with no money for even food.

50 years old, completed her diploma at 46 so she could take a better job. and single handedly raising her son who is 17, and a very promising student and son. She is fortunate to be blessed with such a son and vice versa. Lost her husband to a woman who 'helped to settle some financial problems they had'.

Before the 3 of them walked out of the room that day, they hugged me tight and told me thank you for listening. They asked me to be strong. These women, all affected in one way or other, shared their stories cos they wanted to provide strength to the one who was going through the divorce. They wanted her to be strong and not break down the way they did initally.

That day, i learnt about the strength of a woman. About hw optimism is everyting. Wat u tink is wat ur life becomes.

and also the true meaning of inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raajiuun. HE gave it to you, and HE can take it away at anytime. AND HE has every right to.

To all women out there, this stories are not meant to instill fear that men will not be faithful in the long run. But rather, regardless of what life throws your way, you have to come out on top and be strong. We may be weaker physically, but HE sure has given us emotional strength that will enable us to tide through everything.

And of cos, ALWAYS save for a rainy day. You never know when a need arises.

Lists..

List of things that I should do:

Quit worrying about everything - whether its the finances, the confirmation letter, the preps, unhappiness watever, just leave it. if its meant to happen it will. leave it to HIM

Adopt a healthy lifestyle - i haven exercised in a while and i'm getting lazy! bad bad bad.. no use complaining that my weight is going up slowly. i have to do something about it. and the diet.. got to stop the fast food, nuts and walnut cakes once and for all. if at 37 a healthy guy can get a heart attack, i'd better start doing something about my lifestyle.

Be happy - i am blessed in many ways. i have to be more positive and not get upset at small things. *count my blessings, not the tears*

Stop procrastinating! - this is my no one pitfall. have to do something about it.

Be a more understanding person - people around me are going thru more stress and unhappiness than i am. i have to put them b4 me. esp bee and anna.


Things i can strike off my wishlist.
Holiday to Bintan
Degree with distinction (Inshah Allah)
New job with better pay (Alhamdulila)
Everlasting love - i believe so.

Met rashi after eons yday. its good. i miss the fun times we used to have talking on the pone almost daily for hrs. we've grown up and r so busy with our lives. quite sad also. suggested we take a trip together before oct. inshah allah hope it materialises.

have to go down to SIM to pay my last membership fee. procrastinating on tat too!. haiz. i need to prioritise man.

Jodhaa Akber

Randomly caught Jodhaa Akbar with bee on Saturday and it proved to be one of the best movies i've watched in a while. I'd give the movie 4.5 stars out of 5. A MUST WATCH. Though the movie was a tad too long, at 3 hr 40 mins, I must say I never checked my watch during this time. I still remember King Kong was such a drag at 3 hrs that I was wishing it'd end.

Its been the longest times since i watched a historical epic and enjoyed it. The last I remember Asoka was quite a bore and i never got to watch Swades. As a reviewer said, 'JODHAA AKBAR leaves you spellbound, enthralled, entranced and awestruck. Ashutosh Gowariker makes the legendary characters come alive on screen.'

True enough the scenes were mostly so magnificient and opulent, I was amazed.

The storyplot: Set in the sixteenth century, JODHAA AKBAR is a love story about a marriage of alliance that gave birth to true love between a great Mughal emperor, Akbar, and a Rajput princess, Jodhaa.

The characters did justice to their roles with Hrithick playing Akbar and Aishwarya playing Jodhaa. I left the theatre thinking no other might have suit the roles better - they were done to perfection. Hrithick delivered the performance with such confidence, precision and character while Aishwarya, she was amazing with her emotions display, not to mention the beautiful costumes and jewellery.

A.R Rahman's music certainly contributed to the success of the movie, his background tunes and song numbers was captivating. And not to mention Amitabh Bachan's voice narrating the story definitely gave strength.

Did I mention the other characters playing Jodha's cousin brother and Sharifudeen (the villain somesort) were VERY good looking too. haha. must say theres alot of eye candy in the movie.

Some scenes that were worthy of mention in the movie include:

The war sequence at the beginning. You realize the scale and magnitude of the film at the very beginning.

Hrithik taming an out-of-control elephant. It shows the courage and confidence of the young emperor

The two pre-conditions set by Jodhaa, before her marriage to Akbar. Makes you wonder for a while if Akbar would accept it or the movie would take a 360 twist

The immediate sequence, when Ash is asked to taste the food herself by Ila before she's about to serve the food to the Emperor and his associates. Once done, Hrithik demanding that he be served the meal from the same platter that Jodhaa had used. This was really sweet. It kinda showed the start of the love blossoming.

The scenes when Hritick is completely awestruck by Aishwarya's beauty. cute.

The intermission point, which sows the seeds of a misunderstanding between Hrithik and Ash

Post-interval, Hrithik returning to Amer to get Ash back to Agra and the welcome ceremony by his mother-in-law.

The sword fight the very next morning, between Hrithik and Ash. There is a point when Hrithick reminds Ash "Pls remember I am your husband" in a joking manner.

The 'Azeem-o-Shaan Shahenshah' track, when the entire kingdom hails Hrithik.

The fight in the climax between Sharifudeen and Akbar. Definitely keeps ones attention.

Despite the controversies sorrounding the movie, I still think that everyone who enjoys a good plot should catch this movie in the theatre. Cos honestly, your home theatre system cannot bring out the enormity of the war scenes and the magnificience of the sets.

Also, check out the beatiful costumes and jewels.

Time to move on..

its final, i just tendered my resignation.

i got a corp comms position with SINDA.
good place to start, i believe since i want to venture into social development / social work.

alot of reasons y its better, mostly cos the job wil provide me with more personal gratification (i hope), a better pay and a more conducive working environment.

Where inshah allah a person's ability to perform and deliver will not be based on the clothes you wear, where inshah allah your attractiveness and credibility is not determined by whether u wear the hijab or show more skin.

Why is it that to succeed in PR you have to be pretty, dress well (read: attractive), be of non-indian/malay origin. Ok, there probably are some indians or malays who are doing well in PR, but I have yet to see a tudong wearing person excel in it. Care to prove me wrong?

recently the other team's lady boss asked me in to tell me that she likes my work and would like me to provide supprt to her team, attend meeting with them and service clients. however, her major concern was my hijab. she mentioned that this may make me look less approachable or friendly. She suggested i wear a bandanna to work and more light colors. For one thing, i cannot imagine wearing a bandanna to work everyday, and in what way would that be more formal than the hijab? for a while, i almost decided to conform, but then decided against it.

reflecting back, i realise that PR has not given me much personal gratification, i dun get alot of job satisfaction out of it. so heck, i'd rather to someting else, something that will inshah allah make me happier.

i pray that all goes smooth for this position in SINDA. inshah allah.

Update!!

Hi all,

its been eons since i updated, 5 weeks to be exact! phewww alot has happened in this time.. first things first, alhamdulila the engagement went very smooth. *alhamdulila*

23 antarans from our side and 18 from theirs.. so much chocs and food.. i've put on weight since! haha.. too happy i guess. i loved both the saris on that day, considering how i've nvr worn a sari before in my entire life. and sadly this is prob my last time too.. or maybe nt, my wedding remains.. but after tat, nahhh nt possible anymore. i dun tink i'd ever wanna wear a sari with a tudong. no offence, but it jus doesnt seem to go tog, atleast for me.

but like what fari ka said, its prob abt hw u carry urself. i saw shameema wear at sadat's wedding and she looked good. =) so yeaps, i dun have tat confidence.

pics from the engagement..

and then of cos the classic one..

Moving on...

I HAVE COMPLETED MY DEGREE. *grins*

Inshah allah, i should pass with a degree with distinction..

all i need now is a new job with a better pay. =)

Preparations have to start

Its a new year and once again there are the many new resolutions (that are seldom kept) and aspirations.. I have this wishlist and i pray at the end of the year i will look back and be glad that i handled it all well.

1. New job that will give me a resonable pay check and personal gratification
2. Be a better muslim - do less haram things
3. Manage the finances (with the engagement & wedding expenses cmg up) well and spend wisely. A wedding is no easy affair and having to save for it uself is alot tougher.
4. Adopt a healthier lifestyle
5. Look good for my wedding

Sautha Anni has given birth to a lovely, fair and healthy baby girl. Alhamdulila. Am so happy for her.. Her daughter is the first girl in the family in 15 years. phewww.

The engagement has been fixed for 2nd Feb. Its another round of intensive module in school that ends only after the 21st. So I can only have time to do anything after that.. soo much to be done but alhamdulila am glad have the relatives to help with the antaran. still need to get my suit for the engagement, decorate the antaran etc etc. but being the last min person i am, inshah allah i'll get it all done. =) thank god i have ppl like akka to advice me on wat has to be done and wat not..

nevertheless was quite unhappy with some of the family on the day bee's parents came ovr to talk. e uncle that i put next to my dad was nt even there. disappointed but i guess i have to understand.. after all he's got to work so hard even on weekends.

I feel that the days are flying very very slowly in the new yr.. or is it just me?

New Year, New Start

Its been a real long time since i blogged so have lots to update and say. lately jus been too lazy to blog with the holiday season and all.

firstly, he proposed to me!! the kinda ideal proposal with the ring i liked, a bouquet and during fireworks.. niceee. and of cos i said yes. i'm blessed with him in my life. *alhamdulila* this line he mentioned touched me deeply, esp so knowing he meant every bit of it.

'u filled this part of my life that i never knew existed'

i teared while reading the card. touched. mummy would be glad that i have someone like him to look after me. (nt that i need to be dependent, but having someone who wil stand by ur dreams and beliefs regardless of hw diff it may be and love u for the person u are through and through).

so yes, this gal will be getting married inshah allah later this year. =)

The new yr dawned some thoughts in me. Recently have been thinking if what i am doing now is what makes me happy. Is this what I really wanna do? Do i get satisfaction from it?

The answer is no. Just like many of urs will be. Why am I in PR? Maybe i should stop being PR and saying i love PR, it gives me satisfaction to be behind the scenes and deliver on what the client wants, successful pitches make me feel overwhlemed etc etc etc. thats bull.

No doubt, I enjoyed PR immensely in school. It was my fave course, and I loved those discusssions I had and how it was actually so easy to rarionalise and do things. They seemed so obvious to me that i didnt understand y many organisations didnt see the need for it. I always thought i'd wanna be in H&K or O&M, successful and satisfied. But now i realise that I gain no real happiness from it. No emo gratification.

Not too long ago, Fari ka told me that the reason y she is still at SINDA was cos she got satisfaction from helping those in need. I thought it was nt rational or practical to stay on a job just for the gratification. I told her that I would be disappointed if I was nt earning atleast 3K by the time i turned 25. But nw i beg to differ.

When I was in 2nd yr poly, I had many dreams. i wanted to be the first tudong gal on tamil TV or be a special needs teacher and help those children who through no fault of theirs were unfortunately not normal. I wanted to make some form of difference. Now what then happened to that girl with many many dreams? honestly, i dont know!

Along the way, there were medical and household bills to pay. I needed a job to help out at home and so when i was offered at position at my internship place, I took it up readily and stayed the next 2 yrs nt bothering, not questioning if thats wat i wanted to do all along. Sometimes its easier not to ask questions - stability seems to be the easy way out cos there are ALWAYS bills to pay and money to worry about.

Was talking to a fren about this few days back when he encouraged me to do something about it. He had a point - 'u wont be out of a job la, u'll prob jus have to jump arnd a few before u find e right one. and nws better than later cos ur young. '

maybe thats what I should do. Now when i look for available positions, I'm nt looking at jus comms again, instead something that will give me greater satisfaction doing it. Saw this position 'policy exec for needy children under MCYS' - something i really wanted to give a go for but i missed the deadline.

I pray that this new yr will bring me a good career opportunity that would give me personal gratification - a job that inshah allah i would look forward to everyday. and yea, sitting arnd wont make the job come fall on my lap.. i'm gonna have to source arnd for it..